i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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