what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
