There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
