wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
