Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
