We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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