Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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