i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We got so high we made milksteak
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
