i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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