Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
