whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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