the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
