We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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