I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
