Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
