we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
