She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
