That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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