remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
