I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
not ubering you a puppy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
