So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
