My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
