I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
