well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
