Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
