i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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