butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
