Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
