i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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