i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
