VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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