They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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