its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
