jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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