best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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