she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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