Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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