I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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