hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im holly from the hills drunk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
