i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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