I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
