I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
