Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
