U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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