I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Operation Purity has been aborted
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
