Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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