Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Found the puke drawer
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
