She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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