Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
