Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
